Showing posts with label absurd. Show all posts
Showing posts with label absurd. Show all posts

Sunday, June 21, 2009

This Ain't Chucky Cheese.

How it all began:

This dude-- yeah, the one below who thinks he's a snake -- sneaks up on stage where I'm at.



Then, he just stands up and starts starin' at me. Yep, that's him...where my finger's pointin'



I mean, doesn't he see I'm trying to entertain y'all? Uh...microphone...stage...tall, dark and handsome up here...

Anyway, at first, I tried to be polite 'cause that's what my ma taught me.





mmmhmmm, that's me, trying to be polite, but...



but enough's enough...

Yo buddy...take a picture...it'll last longer.




OK...well, he didn't get the message, so after I put back on my coat and hat... I decided to sit down and chat 'cause I'm a nice guy like that.




....even gave him his own microphone. but damn...he kept on starin'. So, I did my face like this:


but did that deter him? Hell to the noooooo...

He just gave me this. As you can see, I tried to be polite just like Ma taught me...I hate you Ma...and then I just snapped
...





"This ain't Chuck E. Cheese, ya know! Maybe you're lost or something. Where's your keeper?




OK...you tell me, is this dude too precious for this world or what? WTF?




Well, my Pa taught me to walk a mile in a camel's shoes before drownin' him in a well...and I guess that's only fair.




Then I realized, he's kinda cute...kinda funny too...



Ahhhh...then I realized I'm hot as hell! I guess it's safe...maybe I'll take off this hat...



Trying very hard not to cry here, but he took my hat...see Pa, walk that mile and they rob ya blind.




Aaaahhhhhhh...so much better! Thanks man! What? I'm puttin' them in the wrong pockets?



Wow! Can you believe this guy? He even comes equipped with his own icepacks and is an expert in strategic placement...





************************************************

Church lady here: The following image does NOT mean Jensen was checking out Jared's ass, even if he really was, j/k. Notice the blur; this means he was turning his head and camera froze his head in motion (Jared can probably do that too....J/K). I learned this while watching an episode of Frasier. At the split second I paused the DVD, the image captured made it appear as if Frasier was playing with himself...nothing like that was happening, I can assure you, just like I can assure that Jensen is surely turning his head to respond to a fan, and some perverted camera caught this image.

**************************************************


I can't hear very well...did you just say there's a corn farmer behind me? Huh?





Anyone here have a gun? Nah...just kiddin'.




What's that dude? You want some chicken?




Chicken? Is he kidding? That's it...time for the well...ring the scary horror psycho alarm.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Jared Padalecki: Never play leapfrog with unicorns


Him? Oh, he will be used as a stunt double in a fight scene using live ammunition in a few minutes, but I'm free.

______________________________________________________________________________


Dead men tell no tales

Aye, aye ya sea slugs! Aye be wanting to try that there candy! Give it to me or ye be walkin' da plank! Shiver me timbers! Death comes now, redrum,redrum

______________________________________________________________________________

Hold Still!

Or you will live without twinkies for the rest of your life!

______________________________________________________________________________

OOO! OOO! OOO!


I know! He suffers from sublimated oedipal tendencies and incestuous narcissistic processes.

______________________________________________________________________________

You will be Janet Reno in your next life.

You...you, over thee, you have the sex appeal of a dead carp and your journey this fall starts with a quick push from behind

______________________________________________________________________________
If you keep on livin' you will die someday.

hahaha you're right!! that is so funny...you will be dragged into the woods, savagely beaten, and left for dead

______________________________________________________________________________

Well knock me down and steal muh teeth!.

I'm not as think as you drunk I am. Now, get off me! I've met mosquitos with more force than you.

______________________________________________________________________________

You on Crack?

Git outta here, you cross-eyed buck-toothed white trash hillbilly! Sticks and stones may break your bones but I'll kick your ass
.

______________________________________________________________________________

What?? you get the impression that i hate you??

Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit. Now, get outta here before I throw you in the outhouse, you sister bangin' cracker .


______________________________________________________________________________


That Wasn't Chicken.

Nope, it wasn't. Oh, one more thing...if I was in a room with you and two werewolves, and I had a gun with two silver bullets, I'd shoot you... twice.

______________________________________________________________________________


Ahhh It is, truly, all downhill from here my friend..

..you will soon find yourself looking into a great light...just before the train hits you.


______________________________________________________________________________