Showing posts with label Tony Soprano. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Tony Soprano. Show all posts

Monday, August 31, 2009

Cupcake and Pussy

Ok, this here episode in my life started one day when I was posin' for the camera.  This dude, who calls himself , Tony Somethin, just happened to glimpse my beautiful self...

 

Then...from just watchin' me pose, he decides he wants me to star in his new movie production.  He said he was goin' to make me an offer I can't refuse...



...so yeah...this here's  the offer I'm not supposed to refuse...a freakin' liscence plate  wit' the name of his  movie..



So, I was like. "Whatchu smokin' yo fat cupcake eatin' muthafucka!?!" 



Well, he tried to convince me anyways... wit's what he was smokin'...



But he don't scare me 'cause I'm strong like that. So,  as I was 'bout to reiterate my first response to  cupcake's request ...what comes round the corner...like a virgin....but Mary wit' the lamb she just caught.... 



Well, cupcake whips outta shotgun and blows that lamb strait to hell..



I was like, "what the fuck cupcake! What did yo go and shoot whats-his-faces's prince  fo'? He been lookin' for him all his life! Yo' is the rudest bitch I ever met!!"



So, after cupcake says,  "Did anyone ever tell you, you're cute when your mad?"  He  informs me that when he saw whats his face comin' at him, he saw another star in the making... 

Cupcake's  like,  "Yo friend there  would make a good But to your character, Ram."  



Needless to say, back at the ranch, whats-his-face was besides himself wit' grief...so much so that he couldn't bear facin' the leftovers his little lamb left him...he's sensitive like that...



So, during this dead person sale, cupcake's got the nerve to show  up wit' a pair of shoes for me...like I'm some mofo charity case, and then he invites me and whats-his-face to preview his other movie.

I was like, "Yo cup...where's whats-his-face's pair o' shoes??  Don't he get a pair fo' yo' rude display the other day?"



So yeah, somethin' about cupcake was gettin' to me..  despite him bein' one rude bitch, I found myself lured to him like cement to shoes...yeah them shoes he bought me had cement soles...but I kinda like 'em 'cause I'm strong like that.

 

Still wantin' us to star in his new movie, he comes at me again  wit' mo shoes...cupcake's got one helluva shoe fetish...



He tries winin' and dinin' me...and I'm findin' it hard resisitin' his charm  but since I'm so strong,  I was like,

"Yo Ton'....ya shot po' whats-his-face's prince strait to hell...what's he 'posed to do now? Me 'n yo's cool...but that leaves muh boy high and dry...ya know?" 

So, he responds wit' "Pussy." 



I was like, "What part of that lamb yo' shot to hell had a pussy?!? Hmmmm?"

So cup freaks out. "No, ya fuckin' moron...muh  Pussy...BIG PUSSY!"   



I was like, "Cupcake...if yo gotta pussy...lemme just tell ya right now... whats his face ain't interested!"

 

Well...as it turns out...Big Pussy ain't got no pussy...he just is Big Pussy...

 

So yeah...I got myself a cupcake and whats-his-face gotta Big pussy....life is good... 

...except for when cup starts tellin'  me some shit 'bout some birds who can't hear and some rough beast.  I wish that son of a bitch beast was born already so he could come and eat these goddamned ducks...

 

Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.
Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
The Second Coming!
Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi Troubles my sight:
somewhere in sands of the desert
A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun, Is moving its slow thighs,
while all about it Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.
The darkness drops again; but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Pussy...it's not for everyone.

Tony Soprano: Uncle Junior and I, we had our problems with the Business. But I never should have razzed him about eating pussy. This whole war could have been averted. Cunnilingus and psychiatry brought us to this.



FLASHBACK:



Carmela Soprano: Let's just say your uncle has acquired quite a *taste* for her.
Tony Soprano: Uncle Jun gives head?
Carmela Soprano: World class.
Tony Soprano: The old man's whistling through the wheat field?
Carmela Soprano: Don't be disgusting!
Tony Soprano: Oh, he's a Bushman of the Kalahari! [laughs]
Carmela Soprano: laughs] That's why I don't tell you anything 'cause you don't know when to stop!
Tony Soprano: Oh my God, if this ever gets out.
Carmela Soprano: Oh yeah, like you don't do it or any of your friends. Bunch of hypocrites.
Tony Soprano: Hey, what goes on in this bedroom stays here and you know that.
Carmela Soprano: Once a year? I can resist the urge to gossip.



Tony Soprano: Uncle Jun, how was Boca?
Corrado 'Junior' Soprano: Wonderful. I don't go down enough.
Carmela Soprano: That's not what I heard.



[Tony, Junior, Silvio and Mikey are playing golf]
Tony Soprano: Uncle Jun's in the muff.
Corrado 'Junior' Soprano: What?
Tony Soprano: Oh, did I say "muff"? I meant "rough". [sniffs]
Tony Soprano: What's that smell? Did you guys go to a sushi bar? Jun. What are you doin' eatin' sushi? Corrado 'Junior' Soprano: You fuckin' run off at the mouth, you know that?
Tony Soprano: [sings] South of the border, down Mexico Way.
Corrado 'Junior' Soprano: Hey listen, my friend. At least I can deal with my own problems. Unlike some I know.
Tony Soprano: What's that supposed to mean?
Corrado 'Junior' Soprano: Take it however you want. Don't bullshit with me.
Silvio Dante: Hey guys, guys. We're here to play golf or what? C'mon.
Tony Soprano: [sings] South of the border where the tuna fish play.